I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
