i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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