Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
