Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
