Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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