her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
