Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
