My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
