Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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