Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
