Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
