I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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