my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
