My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
