i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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