Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my shit smells like andre
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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