Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
love makes seman taste better
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
