OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I will pee on everything he values.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
