Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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