That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You can't special order awesome
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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