I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
