This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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