He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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