Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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