Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
