we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
