ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
