Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
