i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
