she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
