After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
