My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
