we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
