i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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