When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
