you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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