he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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