Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
