There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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