You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
