Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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