dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
