my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
