even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This house was built for laser tag.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
