Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
