If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
