Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
