upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
