take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
