____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
