Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
